Life and death

It came out of the blue. In the middle of a gray weekday came a telephone call: Apu, my dad is sick, he is in the hospital.
- My God, what does it mean?
We were not told that it is cancer, but we thought it might be. His whole stomach has to be removed? – There has to be another solution.
I went to my mom, Anyu. We talked and we prayed; we turned to God. It was obvious to us that He intervened in our life.
Of course, I always knew that our life was in the Lord’s hand, but now it felt more serious.
I was sure, if the almighty God would like to accomplish something in our life, then that can be only good, it would be beneficial for us. And indeed, God really took our lives into His hand.
Two days later, we found out that the cancer already metastasized; it was inoperable. Maybe, chemotherapy "would help".
Sooner or later, it was necessary to ask the question: is it possible that Apu is not going to recover?
Apu first thought and prayed for it, that the Lord would take away this illness.
Difficult battles were going on within me.
- Dear Lord Jesus! What would you like to accomplish with Apu, with me, and with our family?
What does it mean for us, the Life that we got from Christ? If we are in trouble, then Lord, please take the trouble away from us?
There were and there are Brothers, who could accept with peace the trouble and suffering from the Lord’s hand. Furthermore, I can see from the life of Apostle Paul that his life was not important for himself, but only what the Lord did through him.

Phil. 1:21-29
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me. Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved – and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him.

My heart was racing reading this. Can I expect this from my father? How can I tell him this?
For days, weeks I was struggling, and God shaped me a lot during this time. The question should not be what Christ means for my father, but what Christ means for me. In the eyes of God, everyone is responsible for his or her own life.
I could see that God accomplished in my father what He wanted. He prepared him, and my father could say with peace, that I am going Home.
I could read the previous verses only with broken heart, crying when I was home with my father and mother. We prayed together. Looking back, maybe this was the time when I said farewell to him. After this, we met only in the hospital.
The phone call came again, that Apu was very weak. According to the doctors, he can "leave" any time. They were planning a smaller procedure, but it got delayed a number of times. It was Wednesday. I was abroad, when I told my colleagues: let us make our meeting short, because it takes me several hours to get home. These were very difficult minutes-hours.
- My God, can I meet him again?
If somebody goes away for a few days, we say goodbye. If we have to depart for a longer time, than we say a bigger farewell. Is it possible, that he leaves us just so quietly?
We met again. We said Psalm 23.together. After it, he said several times "this is very good."
As I was leaving the hospital, the following thought was in me: I would be so glad to go to the Lord with him.
I visited him again on Thursday; his firm request was that he wanted to go home. He wanted no procedure. On Friday, the doctor let him go home on his own responsibility. Saturday morning he went Home from home.
Another phone call came, actually two. With Eszter we went. Anyu was sitting next to Apu – who looked like somebody sleeping – and she was crying overwhelmingly. A few minutes before, she had just helped Apu walk to the bathroom, and now he was gone.
We called the doctor; he was kind. However, when a bigger van arrived, I cried: "This is cruel!"
God showed me what "cruel" really was. With all my pain and questions, I could turn only to Him. How could Apostle Paul say Gal 2:20.

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
.
How could I say it?
Lord Jesus was also praying for this in Gethsemane, John 17:9-10.

I am asking on their behalf; I am not asking on behalf of the world, but on behalf of those whom you gave me, because they are yours. All mine are yours, and yours are mine; and I have been glorified in them.

- You have already accomplished this in Apu.
Verses 21-23 touched me deeply again.

... that they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given them, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become completely one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Then Luke 9:23, Luke 14:26.
Then he said to them all, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
‘Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.

- Yes my Lord, only you can accomplish this, if I take up my cross, I should be crucified with you, so I should not live, but You in me. Thank you, that you have already accomplished this!
- I glorify you that a piece of my heart is already with you, and because of that, I can have your Kingdom closer to me.
Let me place a little bouquet of verses here:
My father repeated this Bible verse often.

1 Cor.2:9
But, as it is written,
‘What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the human heart conceived,
what God has prepared for those who love him’—

We think about heaven here, although Apostle Paul talks about our earthly life. Otherwise, Lord Jesus also said, that the kingdom of God is here among us, in us. These two are so close. Maybe not even two, only one (?!) (Luke 17:21)

...For, in fact, the kingdom of God is among you.’

And what we wrote on the Death Announcement:

2 Cor. 5:1
For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

As Apostle Paul continues, it seems he separates them a little bit:

2 Cor. 5:6-10
So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For all of us must appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each may receive recompense for what has been done in the body, whether good or evil.

It seems that Apostle Paul also liked buildings, construction and building of the spiritual house. He writes about this in first Corinthians:

1 Cor.3:10-13
According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building on it. Each builder must choose with care how to build on it. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one that has been laid; that foundation is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— the work of each builder will become visible, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each has done.

About materials, Lord Jesus himself said the following:

Mathew 6:19-21
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Lajos Barbarics Jr.
March 3rd, 2006